Why the collar?

The quick answer to this question is, in the context of BDSM, a collar symbolizes a relationship. Once a collar is placed on an individual, the person who places the collar states they are taking full responsibility and or ownership of the collared person (if this is in the context of role-play or more depends on the couple). The person who allows themselves or accepts the collar, is saying that they give them self freely to their significant partner. They release their body, heart and mind to the other unconditionally, to do with as they please. The collared person is now a submissive. The person who places the collar is the dominant.


The three stages of collaring a submissive

This practice is not followed by all, as each relationship dictates its own wants needs and rules, but it is a widely practiced tradition amongst the BDSM community, so it is worth noting.

    1) The first collar – A collar of consideration

 We can think of this collar as a type of friendship ring and a commitment of sorts. This collar is very significant.

The collar can be removed at any time by the submissive with no ill feelings, and the relationship is thereby ended effectively. It allows both parties to explore, test, evaluate and ascertain the needs or boundaries of the other. This collar is usually only  worn for a short period one to six months, as both parties exert their personalities and search the chemistry of the relationship.

    2) The second collar – The training collar

This collar can be compared to an engagement ring. This collar is a fragile collar that can be easily and permanently broken, but it also represents a genuine commitment towards a longer lasting relationship. For many couples this collar remains their most precious collar. The length of time that this collar is worn depends on the couple, but like most engagements, it can last six months or years. The submissive and the Dominant both need to find their true state and comfort zones as one. Around two years is normal.

The training collar indicates a deepening of the relationship in which the submissive is being prepared or trained by the Dominant. The submissive will commit to learn and serve their relationship to a set of given standards. The submissive whilst collared hands over all of their control to their Dominant. The Dominant accepts full responsibility for their submissive whilst collared, emotionally, physically and mentally.  The Dominant undertakes a commitment to train the submissive. The Dominants standards and wishes are customarily introduced with patience, care and understanding. It is a process of mutual growth and agreement.  Again the collar can be removed at any time by the submissive with no ill feelings, additionally the dominant could identify that the submissive is unable to be trained hence a request is made to remove the collar and end the relationship. There is an understanding by both parties that their decision to end the relationship may cause emotional pain to the other and require some genuine effort towards comforting them. Although once the collar is removed the submissive and Dominant can consider that the relationship is immediately and effectively ended, and both parties equally have no responsibility towards the other.

    3) The Third collar – The true submissive or slaves collar

The true submissive collar is referred to by some in the BDSM community as a slave collar, and it is seen as a wedding band or ring. Some couples practice a private or public ceremony to signify their commitment towards each other, their roles and their lifestyle choice, a marriage ceremony of Dominant and submissive. Many modern day BDSM members choose to refer to this collar as their “True submissive’s collar”, as they have an issue with the word slave outside the context of BDSM and role-play.

Remember even in BDSM each party always reserves the right to say no, and end their relationship or any activity at any time. The safe, sane and consensual ethos is never surrendered.  The word slave is thought by many in the BDSM community to represent the meaning that their heart and soul has been captured by their significant other, and that they offer themselves freely as a gift to signify that love and commitment whilst serving their own desires.  Many current day dictionaries even differentiate the word slave when used in the context of human slavery and BDSM role-play. Your relationship and lifestyle choice is your own.

When the third collar is accepted by a submissive, this is considered to be a permanent commitment by the submissive to remain in their role at all times, with no chance to end the relationship, unless they are released by their Dominant for some exceptional reason.  Simple failure of service or behavior is not an adequate reason for dismissal, since this only indicates a failure on the part of the Dominant to take care of their submissive’s behavior or needs as agreed or demanded by submissive. The submissive recognizes that they have released their body, heart and mind to the other unconditionally, and in return the Dominant takes full responsibility and or ownership for their safety and well being. The Dominant also agrees to remain in their role at all times. The relationship is now a marriage. If the submissive removes their collar at any time, their marriage is terminated, it is an unequivocal divorce. If the Dominant removes their collar at any time, their marriage is terminated, it is an unequivocal divorce.

Aggressive collars Vs unobtrusive jewelry

The more aggressive or prominent style of neck collars are usually worn in private settings or at BDSM social events. The submissive typically wears the primary collar at all times when it would not draw unwanted attention or questions from visitors, family, friends or day to day acquaintances.  Many submissive’s choose to or are asked to wear unobtrusive or inconspicuous jewelry collars as a fashion accessory when going through the process of their daily business. These items can vary from a thin necklace to a ring.  The collar is no more than a symbol that reflects their commitment to their relationship. Some couples wear their symbols and lifestyle choices freely, whilst others choose to remain incognito, some find a blend of both.

The Collared submissive

The collar is a symbol of the highest respect that a submissive can bestow upon their Dominant. The act of submission is a precious gift that can be taken away at any time. A Dominant is no Dominant with out a submissive kneeling before them, as much as a submissive is not a submissive without anyone to kneel before.  Remember, your submissive waits at your knees not because she/he is expected to, but because it is the place they feel the safest, the most comfortable and the most desired, they are home and you are the center of their universe. To be trusted with total control over ones mind, body and soul means more than any wedding ring. A collar is more! A true dominant knows and values this with the respect that is deserves.